Well, I dropped the ball on that one....

So I kinda blew week 2 of my black history month celebration, but hey, it was Valentines Day week and I had to exhaust what little wits I have just trying to earn points with my wife.

 And so it leaves me with a quandary. Do I ramp up the whole thing a present you with a double shot for the week, or just say to hell with it and dump the project all together.....

 Perhaps I'll have decided by tomorrow. Until then, I leave you with this important message for the day:

I'm learning to hate vegetables

So, as it turns out, going from a diet of primarily meat to cutting out every thing except eggs and cheese kinda sucks.

I'd like to start by saying I have absolutely nothing against eating things with faces. They taste wonderful and I'm smarter than they are, so they deserve it. I'm just tired of being fat and unhealthy.

That being said, this vegetarian diet thing is turning out to be a great way to cut down portion sizes, calories and awkward stare-downs with people at the meat wall in Walmart. That bitch knew I was going for that steak.....

Anyway, it's really not all that bad considering the options that are out there now. It shortens the search time on menus at  restaurants significantly. And it has a very humbling effect.

Have you ever known the pain of having to discard the ham from an egg Mcmuffin? It's like being forced to keep eye contact while you strangle a kitten.

I think this it's going to work for me.

Welcome to February, Sucka!

Well, to those of you who don't have a calendar, it's February. The month of love, appreciation of Presidents, thanking your mail carrier and the blackest of history.

 In honor of that last part, I'm going to be devoting one post a week to some of the most influential and inspiring black people of all time. I'm sure some of you will disagree with me and this will just be my opinion, but as it turns out, that's all that matters here, so too bad for you.

Let's begin with someone who has made my life much more enjoyable.

                                                                        MR. T

 Some people may think that he is just a washed up tough guy from the 80's who no one has taken seriously since Rocky III. And those people are assholes. There is so much more to this T than people believe.

Without Mr. T's compassion and intense pity for fools, many of us would never know just how may fools are out there to be pitied. Other humanitarian efforts include a long roster of public service announcements across many different mediums, that stress the importance of things like drinking milk, not doing drugs and looking both ways when crossing the street.

His constant crusading against things like excessive "Jibba Jabba" and "Suckas" are a testament to his dedication and perseverance and make him a shining beacon of the black community. He clearly has a solid grasp of economics, as he puts his money into gold and depends only on himself and not unreliable banks to protect his assets.

In summation, I pity any fools who don't appreciate this great man.

Plus, he had his own damn cereal. You don't just get your own damn cereal for nothin', suckas!

I'm a socially inept butterfly!

What have I become?

I have this blog that I really enjoy, I've got the Facebook goin' on and now I've joined the twitter.

This is the kind of thing that happens when you give an introvert the ability to bypass social norms. He tries to shove his opinions and sense of humor down everyone's throat as much as possible.

Luckily I'm not like that.... HA!

Anyway, I decided I don't wanna bitch about the weather today, because that's been done to death. I'm pretty sure I don't want to complain about work either. So Instead of complaining, here's a list of fun things to do.

1.) Start a midget sled team. Their stride may be short, but they have stamina.
2.) Go to a fast food resturaunt, order the biggest, calorie laden meal possible, then make fun of the person at the window for being fat.
3.) Go to a bank and take hostages..... on a field trip. Bowling or mini golf is always a big hit.
4.) Donate blood. Then, 30 minutes after you're done, go back to the blood bank and tell them you're having second thoughts and want it back.
5.) Build a paper mache pipe bomb filled with confetti. The bomb squad will appreciate your sense of humor.
6.) Start an Asian specific tour group with a "No Photography" Policy.
7.) Go to hot topic and ask if they have anything in black.
8.) Open a bed and breakfast that only serves lunch and very loosely interprets it's "beds".
9.) Dress up like Slenderman and feed the ducks at your local park.
10.) Finally, Climb a clock tower and go on a shooting spree with a nerf gun and bottle rockets.

Enjoy your day and don't forget to act stupid.

Nostaligia is fun

Watch "Child of the 90s | Internet Explorer" on YouTube

Of course I remember you, Internet Explorer. I left Netscape Navigator for you. You were so rad, It felt like we would be together forever.

But look at you now. Your all slow and tempermental, and you mock me everywhere I go. You've changed.

I went out with a fox for a little while, but she let me down, so I'm moving on to a shiny new browser with a foreign sounding name.

I just didn't want to sneak around behind your back anymore. You deserve at least that after all these years.

-Mada

Progress and Cheese

In keeping with my previous statement of attempting to be more consistent with my blogging and in an effort to make this thing even more ridiculous and spectacular, I realize I am going to need to add some more interesting crap.

 So I am going to attempt to do some reviews, bring in more Gentelman Shark and things of that nature, and find as many odd things as I can to relate to you. And it begins right now.

                 STOP THE PRESSES!! 

               NORWAY CHEESE FIRE SHUTS DOWN ROAD TUNNEL

OSLO, Norway (AP) - A road tunnel in Norway will be shut for several weeks after a 27-ton truckload of sweet goats milk cheese caught fire.

Regional traffic department chief Geir Jorgensen says flames engulfed the tunnel last week and gases from the melting, brown load hindered firefighters. It took four days to put it out.

The driver was not hurt and no other vehicles were in the 3.6-kilometer (2.2-mile) tunnel at the time.

Joergensen said Wednesday that the tunnel near the small Arctic municipality of Tysfjord, some 1,350 kilometers (840 miles) north of the capital, Oslo, likely will be closed for two more weeks.

Goat's milk cheese, a sweet delicacy with a high sugar and fat content, is an essential part of many Norwegians' daily diet.


  Now, I'm not sure which part of this story is funnier. The fact that these poor rural Norwegians will have to smell burnt cheese in that tunnel for years to come or that the person who reported this for AP actually used the phrase "gases from the melting, brown load hindered firefighters."

Truer words were never written

I had to spread this around to blogger, because his is the model I strive to emulate. It's always good to have unattainable goals