Saturday is a day for Awesome

Life is nuts, isn't it? After a crazy week full of grumpy ass Co-workers, ridiculous shifty weather and a roller coaster of emotions that the ride operator won't let me off of, it's officially the weekend and I couldn't be happier.

Started of with a double episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, followed by a quick trip to the store. Then a few episodes of Sunny and now I'm sitting here watching my wife and best friend shoot the hell out of some 12 year old korean girls on COD. Later we're going out for Chinese with my mom. So I'm in high spirits.

Things get crazy and life gives you stuff you're not sure you're completely capable of dealing with almost every day, but it's the little things, like morning sunshine, a huge breakfast or going ape shit on a bunch of people you've never met in a video game while the people you love laugh at you, it's those things that make all the usual bullshit worth it.

So to all of you who are having a rough time, look on the bright side. And if you can't do that, go blow some virtual shit up.

Learning is fun cuz the TV said so!

So, you all know me and you know I'm a gigantic nerd. It is because of that that I would like to give you now a list of important things I learned from movies, TV and comics.

Lesson 1: If you meet an old man in the desert, you should trust him immediately and go wherever he takes you. (Star Wars)

Lesson 2: If you find yourself in mortal danger, do the most reckless thing possible in the most reckless way possible. Not only will you always win, but you'll probably get the girl too. (Star Trek)

Lesson 3: If you're on a long trip, always make your best friend do all the hard stuff and tell them constantly how much you admire them. That way, you can take all the credit when you get back without feeling bad. (Lord of the Rings)

Lesson 4: Red eyes are bad. (Lord of the Rings/Battlestar Galactica/Terminator/Star Wars)

Lesson 5: When learning to master a new skill, never take it seriously at first and complain about it as much as possible. That way you will appreciate it more later. (Star Wars/Lord of the Rings/Star Trek/Highlander)

Lesson 6: Always underestimate nature. That way, when it bests you, you can be shocked. (Jurassic Park)

Lesson 7: If you have the opportunity to go back or forward in time, always meddle in the affairs of your ancestors/descendants. (Back to the future/Stargate/Star Trek/Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure)

Lesson 8: All negotiations must go as follows: Standoff, Bargaining, disgusted refusal, jump, end negotiations violently. (every action movie ever)

Well that's all for today kids. until next time!

Here I am, back again

Been awhile, hasn't it? I let the world swallow me into it's ceaselessly churning guts of everyday routine and run me through the intestines of monotony until recently, when I was fortunate enough to find the exit.....

Anyway, same things are going on, life is as liveable as always, though it is soon to be more so thanks to (drum roll please) THE FIRST ANNUAL SALT LAKE COMIC CON!!!

Three days of unadulterated nerdgasm, full to the brim with some of TV's top actors of the 60's-80's, the hottest B list celebrities and a gaggle of local talent that are sure to overcharge for everything they can.

It'll be like I died and went to a sweaty, over-opinionated heaven full of fat angels in terrible cosplay, and I am bursting the seams of my vintage starfleet unifom pants with anticipation.

Seriously, all terrifyingly graphic  metaphors aside, it's going to be great and I've been plugging it everywhere and everyway I can. If you get a chance and haven't yet, visit their website and check it out. It's coming soon so make haste!

I'm gonna try to keep up as best I can on here because I've really missed doing this, so stay tuned friends and neighbors. Who knows, I may even end up writing something worth reading on here someday ;)

Maybe.

- HC

Geeky Opinion/Rant Post

Okay, here it goes.

  I hate the geeks who go to a movie based on a comic book or video game and can't just roll with the punches. It has to be understood that these movies aren't really made for the die hard fans.

  They aren't made for the collectors or the fanboys or the cosplayers. They will never be made for the people like us who are actually really passionate and care about these characters and worlds that have been shaped for us, and by us, for many, many years.

  That being said, Iron Man 3 made me want to draw and quarter everyone involved with it.

  It's not because they made up an original story that isn't based on any comic book story; That's great.

  It's not because they added a ton of spectacle and flash; That has to be there to make an interesting movie.

  It isn't even because they took the one real opportunity they had to make an honest to God believable and interesting villain for Iron Man to fight in a movie and made him a completely juvenile joke.

 The reason that I had so much issue with this movie is the same reason I had issue with X-men Origins: Wolverine.

  They lead the hardcore fan base, like myself, to believe that maybe, this time at least, they are going to do something different and take an interesting and unusual character and use that character to it's full potential. They pick a great actor to play the character so that you are even more interested and excited. Then they show you the previews for a year with everything set up to make things look like they will be miraculously true to form.

  And then you go to the movie and the first half of it is amazing and you get wrapped up in it and the suspense starts to become unbearable.  And then, at that climactic moment, the people responsible for the great film you have been watching, decide to take a minute to laugh behind their hands and then there is a big FUCK YOU, NERDS!!!

  And that character that you have been so excited for takes a total 180 and turns into the whole reason why you will always and have always hated movie adaptations of anything.

  It's like if you were listening to your favorite band play a live show and they started to play your all time favorite song, that one that taps into all your best emotions and memories, and it's the best you've ever heard, until they hit the midway point in the song and stop, look at the audience and say, "Well, you idiots gave us your money already, so instead of finishing this song the way you love it, we're just gonna sing a few rounds of row, row, row your boat and piss in your face when we're done. Why? Mostly because fuck you, that's why."

  I don't begrudge Hollywood making money and I understand that the majority of people will really enjoy the movie. It's a fun, action filled escape from real life and I don't think anyone is stupid or foolish for liking it and  having a good time.

  I do however hate the idea they have that people are incapable of adapting to a different concept and enjoying it. Then again, I suppose that's what we have demonstrated in the past.

  Hell, look at the success of Avatar. There has never been a more blatant rip off of someone else's work than that movie. But it made a tone of money. Not because the story was interesting or the acting was good or even because the writing was adequate; It wasn't.

It made a ton of money because it was shiny and had pretty colors.

Oh well. I'm done now. Sorry to anyone who actually read this. i just had to complain and it seemed the best place to do it was on here. Don't want to ruin anyone's fun.

-HC

IT'S HAPPY FUN-TIME LEARNING FOR KNOWLEDGE POST!!!

Ladies and Gentelmen, I believe it's time for me to learn your brains some knowledge!!

  I'm sure most all of you know about Dragons. And if you don't, I suggest you learn about them right now because you cannot possibly be living a full and happy life without knowing of the awesomeness of these "Mythical" creatures.

  There are all different kinds of dragons.  Here are a few we see all the time;

The European Dragon

 
This is your standard, four limbed, wing havin' dragon. Usually breaths fire, or ice or some other basic elemental business on unsuspecting villagers. It also seems to have a preference for hoarding loot and taking hostages, especially blonde princesses.

The Chinese Dragon


Dragons got a much better rap in the orient than in Europe. They are usually associated with luck or creation stories and as you can see above they ignore the physics of the real world and fly around without wings. Don't ask me how, all I know is that when you collect their balls you get wishes.

The Komodo Dragon



I'm pretty sure these are fake. Someone tried to tell me there was one at the zoo one time, and I was like "YOU CAN'T CAGE A DRAGON, SUCKA!!" and then I hit him with my car. The court date is set, but I'm pretty sure the jury will agree he deserved it for lying.


Now, here are a few lesser known dragons.


Mr. Dragon



You may have guessed this, but this dragon is a unique master of the ancient art of Japanese chip making.

SpaceX Dragon

 

Dragon is a partially reusable spacecraft developed by SpaceX, an American private space transportation company based in Hawthorne, California.  Dragon is launched into space by the SpaceX Falcon 9 two-stage-to-orbit launch vehicle, and is capable of both manned and robotic operation.
Also, it's totally badass.

Double Dragon



The only dragon known to exist as two seperate entities, it generally takes the form of two white guys in stupid costumes. It travels through the back alleys and seedier areas of major american cities beating up criminals and doing battle with supernaturally powered karate students or futuristic mega corporations......for some reason. Also the only dragon that occasionally has awesome glowing swords. (Pictured Above)

And finally,

HAPPY FUN-TIME LEARNING FOR KNOWLEDGE Dragon

It seems that simply by writing this blog post, a new species of dragon has been created AND IT'S AMAZING!!!

Well, that's it. You now have all the knowledge you will ever need to do..... something.

Something that involves dragons.

YAY LEARNING!!!

Here's one for a dreary day...

Howdy again, folks.

I don't feel very much like being funny today (don't worry, it's just a phase), so I think I'm just gonna post something I have been avoiding. It's about time for it anyway and I haven't posted in far too long.

I think this is the best thing I've written so far. Feel free to criticize and all that if you feel the need. I always appreciate it.


                   'Coca Cola and the Conscious Mind"

As I sit alone one day,
A Coca Cola rolls my way,
And in the label, old and frayed,
I see a life unfold.

This life began as all must do,
With molding of it's body new,
In infancy, so clear and true,
If slightly tinted by the maker.

Then adolescence comes at last,
And suddenly the tinted glass
Is filled and darkened all too fast
By the brackish mire of sin.

Now our hero comes of age,
Clad, red and white, it turns the page
And out it goes to earn it's wage,
To stagnate with all the others.

So after such a life as this,
It's lifted high aloft, and bliss,
All darkness cleared by lover's kiss,
It dies alone with purpose.

And as I sit alone one day,
And watch the bottle roll away,
I think upon that little play,
And suddenly, I'm thirsty.

A response

In light of the recent discussion about equal rights and Gay marriage, I'd like to show my support for the one side of the argument that needs it the most.

So here's to all of you people, both gay and straight, who have better things to do than bitch and moan all day. God bless you.

This is a song about a great folk hero.

(by the way, if you don't have a sense of humor, you may want to avoid this video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-TtfMLGnok